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😔 The Invisible Epidemic: Why So Many Midlife Women Feel Lonely
“I just feel lonely.”
We always start our real-life events - like our menopause performance retreats or 40+ women’s camps - by asking what inspired the women to come. At our first retreat, one of the women answered with that simple, heartbreaking sentence…and on cue, heads around the table started to nod.
You would think active women might be shielded from the worst of what researchers are calling “the loneliness epidemic.” But, for many of these women, they felt it made things worse. They could no longer keep up with younger friends on the trail. They used to be able to hang with the guys on the Saturday morning ride, and now kept getting dropped. Their non-active friends couldn’t relate to their loss. They felt alone…and lonely.
And they’re not alone. Recent surveys indicate that around 37% of midlife women (ages 40s-50s) report feeling lonely.
Here’s the thing: Loneliness is more than a bummer of a feeling - it impacts our health. Chronic loneliness triples early mortality risk in middle-aged women, raising death odds from 5% to 15% over 15 years. In perimenopausal women, it increases the risk of subjective cognitive decline. It also elevates cardiovascular disease risk by 11% in postmenopausal women.
Why So Lonely?
Midlife women are especially vulnerable to feeling lonely for a number of reasons. You don’t have to experience all of them to be vulnerable.
The "Sandwich Generation" Burden: Midlife women are disproportionately responsible for caregiving. They are often "sandwiched" between caring for growing children and aging parents. This dual caregiving role drastically reduces free time, leading to social isolation and emotional exhaustion.
Menopause and Biological Changes: The hormonal fluctuations of perimenopause and menopause can cause mood swings, anxiety, and depression. Many women say they feel misunderstood or unsupported by partners and medical professionals during this time.
The "Empty Nest" Transition: As kids grow up and leave home, women–even those of us who love our independence–often experience a feeling of deep loss and a sudden void in daily social interactions.
Relationship Shifts: Midlife is a common time for divorce. Even in intact marriages, research notes that marital satisfaction can dip during midlife, leading to "emotional loneliness" (i.e., feeling alone despite being with someone).
Societal "Invisibility": Though I think this is improving, women often experience that feeling of midlife invisibility, where they report feeling overlooked in the workplace, media, and public spaces, which exacerbates feelings of alienation.
What Helps?
The good news is that there’s hope. By taking a few proactive steps and employing some psychological strategies, you can feel less midlife loneliness.
Redefining Purpose: Women who actively seek out new roles—such as mentoring, volunteering, or starting new hobbies—report lower levels of loneliness.
Quality Over Quantity: Research finds that quality of relationships matters more than the number of friends. Deepening a few trusted friendships can really help fend off loneliness (FWIW, I’ve really found this in my own life.)
Shared Experiences: If your former exercise group is no longer serving you, it’s time to find another group of active friends. A simple “running groups near me” search can yield groups you don’t even know exist right in your backyard.
Digital Connection: While doom-scrolling exacerbates loneliness, active participation in curated online communities can be a godsend. I know because I hear it all the time from the members (36K+) in our Hit Play Not Pause private group. It’s not the same as real life interaction, but you may also find women near you to connect with offline. |
